7 ways to build self-trust – How it plays a major role in achieving goals and beating procrastination?

How many times have you cheated on yourself?

When others cheat on us, it could be a deal-breaker for us in a relationship, right?

When others treats us badly, we can’t tolerate it but when we treat ourselves so badly, what we do? We just let ourselves do it.

We set goals thinking we are ready to make the big change now. Then, we struggle with procrastination, laziness and more we do that, more the belief system in the mind is created that – “We cant do it”. There are many researches that has been showing that procrastination/laziness or even addiction is our copying mechanism.

When deep inside in subconscious mind there is a message that has been constantly telling you, “you are not good enough or you suck, you cant do it” that was ingrained in you repeatedly since childhood, it could be difficult for you to really trust yourself with the goals that you set for yourself.

We promise we will do something but we don’t do it. And this give message to the mind that we cant trust ourselves. We have to reprogram this belief.

You are not unworthy if you think you couldnot do it. It is years of patterns, its NOT YOU.

I have had enough. I realized how many times I was disappointing myself. I promised myself and betrayed. The #selfbetrayal we do to ourselves!

I wanted to build that trust again. I was sick of not sticking to what I said I will do. There could be definitely many past patterns and trauma that have affected our habits and who we are. I had to address that while taking the next step and find a ways to build the self trust again and stop betraying myself.

How to build self trust again?

1. Be Aware that you are not your thoughts

You are not your thoughtsFree yourself from your thoughts, witness ourselves without judgment. We are consciousness witnessing our patterns, thoughts. Thats what differentiates us from animal.

1. Start with self compassion, self empathy and self forgiving

This is the most important part of the journey. We will not go in the self-shaming/self criticisng mode again, we will compasssionately try understanding what we did that time was because of what we learned, what we knew and there is no point shaming us, instead let’s treat that version with kindness.

Compassionately tell yourself, “I understand you and I also forgive you,” Forgiving is freeing. Now, it will help you to go in this journey.

When you start the journey, you will also need this if some days you don’t do it, you should allow yourself to sometimes make mistakes and not attach huge self-identity around it and give yourself permission to be human.

2. Starting with small habit/promise to self that you can keep

Yes we want to do so many things at once, there are tons of things pending but it then could be overwhelming and again we could feel bad and trust will be broken if we dont do it. We have to gain our trust and break the pattern of “not doing”. 

Start with small changes that you can really do it with ease and do it repeatedly for few weeks till it feels natural and then start with the next habit. Small habit could be – Reading a book before bed for 5 minutes only, making a bed as soon as you wake up, Doing 1 minute breathework/meditation/affirmation, Doing 2 minutes dance or stretch exercise.

This small promise slowly compounds over time and your brain starts believing that you can trust yourself.

The renowned psychologist Dr. Nicole Perera repeatedly mentioned her profound experience with herself and her hundreds of clients about the power of starting small and little promise to self which in long run helps to transform your life.

3. Affirmation with new identity

Your mind has probably created a belief so far that “You don’t keep promises”, “you can’t trust yourself”. So, we need to create the new belief. 

“I complete things when I start”

“I fully trust myself”

And to power back that belief, we will put the strong shield of the IDENTITY. How would you want to identify yourself? Like

” I am a person who does things when they say.”
“I am a person of integrity”

“I am a person with ethics”

While for affirmations, it always should be positive for identity, you would also like to remind yourself what kind of person you don’t want to be. That’s how we will shift identity.

4. Future Visualization+Imagination with feelings

Scientific research in this field has been very powerful in past years.

In simple ways, if you visualize something in Dr. Joe Dispenza word, “your mind would not know the difference if it really happened or it is just the imagination” and He often shares the scientific research on Piano learning experiment and how there were same brain changes in people who learned physically and those who imagined and visualized it. 

So, when you visualize doing things already, again and again, you will create familiarity to the mind and when you try to do it, there won’t be much resistance that is usually created by the brain always when you try to do new things.

That’s why many people set goals, new year resolutions but could not stick to it. 

5. No Distraction Time

This is the world of dramatic distraction. And our brain is cluttered with TOO MANY INFORMATIONS and we forget that brain is also like other organ and it needs recharge, it needs break. 

When there is tons of distraction, it’s difficult to stay true to your goals, and what you really need to do. It has been showing that To DO List doesnt work for many people too, it definitely doesnt work for me. It actually many times becomes the tool to makes us feel bad about ourselves when we dont achieve it. 

So, allocate some distraction free time for work or anything everyday. And be really committed to it. No time restrictions of completing the work. 

Before you know it, you end of doing so much more. 

Ideally, for me it works best for me in the morning when my brain is rested and dont have too much information yet. When I started doing it, to my surprise, I completed tonsssss of task that was pending for more than year. 

I am not a fan of notifications ever but definitely I always have urge to research, learn, know different things and its rare that I feel good after being in social media for so long. If there is cute baby or cat or funny videos, i might smile for few seconds but later, nope!

Then, naturally there is comparison that comes to all of us manytimes when we open it and feel bad about ourselves and forget how awesome we are and how different we all are and those highlighted portrayal of them doesnt reflect their life at all. 

FOCUSSSSSS is super power in this world of dramatic distraction. 

So, silent your phone, open your laptop and start working on things that matter. 

If you are having difficult time to focus, i recommend using focus music or mantra. There are so many in youtube. They always help me. 

Also, there are tools like Focusmate which actually would help you with accountability partner to help you focus on your work and complete the goals. 

6. Love letter to self

This is one of favorite tools whenever I relapse to feeling low, less confident, or in self criticism mode. Write a love letter to self, address yourself how amazing you are even with all the flaws, tell yourself I believe in you, I love you, I will be there for you, remind yourself of your wonderful journey.

7. Understand the Resistance, Uncomfort while trying to do things, Breathe your way out

Whenever you are trying to do new things, it is normal for mind to create resistance. It is like taking brain to the unknown territory and you could feel the resistance

ccording to subconscious unfamiliar is threatening and to be avoided at all cost. To rangle myself back in that familiar, I need resistance, and mind will backs up with many ideas why you should do somethingelse, you feel agitated, uncomfortable then want to go back to familiar patterns then we go into this place called #shame That resistance would overwhelm us.

We feel we will change, transform life, go in the journey, i know all the tools, knowledge and we feel stuck, again its happening again and again. 

We are the consciousness beyond thoughts.